Wednesday, May 28, 2008

I am currently reading a book about plotting. After reading this morning, I started thinking about the what if's not only in the books I want to write and am writing, but in my family's past. It's no secret I have issues with my family. I have tried to track my family tree, something my parents and aunts and uncles don't seem to be interested in. That's another blog, another time.
Anywho, my grandparents had another son before my dad was born. His name was Leroy. Today, I started thinking about him. When I was growing up, if we (my sister, brother and I) wanted to open our presents before Christmas Day and we were around my grandmother, she always let us. One day, she told me the story of Leroy. He wanted a train for Christmas. That year my grandfather had made him a wooden train. Leroy was 4. My grandmother was making little Leroy wait to open his present until Christmas, but he fell sick and died Christmas Eve. My grandmother never said, but I know that has haunted her all her life.
Today, I wondered what if Leroy had survived? He would have been the oldest. How would that have affected my father? How would that have affected my family? How would that have affected me? Would my parents still have married? Would I have even been born?
All the possibilities, all the entanglements, all the differences. I wonder....
Isn't that what life is all about? Wonder. Wonder what might be, what might have been.
Til Next Time--Keep writing and wondering.

Thursday, May 22, 2008

Last night I woke up at 1:40 AM and started to get deeper in to my worrying mode. I tend to be a worrier. I wish I wasn't. It seems if I truly don't have anything to worry about, I make something up. I know the statistics-that 90% of what one worries about never happens, but perhaps I worry about things because I want to be prepared. I'm not good with surprises and I tend to handle things better if I'm prepared.
My latest worry is about baby. What if he falls off the couch? How will he react when they move to Colorado? Who will watch him if I can't? Will we make enough money to support all of us up there with our new venture? What about gas? How are we going to get to where we need to go if gas keeps going up? What about the price of food? Can we make enough money to keep baby fed? And on and on and on.
Finally, I got so tired, I worked on changing thoughts. I started thinking about my writing. Even though I've not been as steady as I should have been with my schedule as I should have been lately, but one thing about 'writing' is it will always be there for me. No matter what else happens, good, bad, ugly things, writing is my strong arm and will always be.
I've also pinned down some directions I want to take my writing. That is for future blogs.
For now, get some sleep, stop worrying and keep writing.

Thursday, May 15, 2008

For some time now I've been trying to decide who I was and why I was put on this earth. I'm not sure if it's only writers and other creative people who struggle with this or if it's just me. I have noticed over the past years that only those individuals who have really suffered in their life make anything of themselves. At times, I think this must be my problem, I've not suffered enough. And then, I look at my life and think maybe I have suffered too much and am just not willing to deal with it.
I have come to terms with a few things in my life. Other things I am trying to deal with. I use the word 'trying' because mostly I 'try' to ignore the situations in hopes that they will go away.
I dream of a perfect life. I know that is not possible. In lieu of that, I have decided to start a 'Suffrage Club'.
If you've ever watched the first and I mean 'original' Star Wars, that would be Episode IV, then you will know immediately of what I speak. C3PO and R2D2 have gotten themselves in to a fix. C3PO turns to R2D2 and says, "it's our lot in life to suffer." That's me.
I don't want or expect you to feel sorry for me, just understand me. On the outside, I have a pretty good life. It's inside where I suffer. Things I wanted to do, things I wished I'd done, things I'd like to do, but afraid I never will. Sometimes it feels like someone has attached a vaccum cleaner hose to me and is sucking the life out of me.
And Lord knows if it's not the family out to get me, it's the government. Currently with gas prices the way they are and various other things going on (you know what I mean), I think the government will probably win. But that's another blog.
For now, I'm off to write in my journal. See if I can make any sense of this day.
Until next time, keep writing.

Tuesday, May 06, 2008

Jumping Jiminy! I can't believe two weeks have passed. I guess that's what happens when you are busy. I just got back from the Oklahoma Writer's Federation Conference. It turned out to be an interesting weekend. Met a lot of wonderful editors and agents. Not sure that I will ever have anything to send them, but they are nice to know. Really a great group of kids. Met another sweet, sweet writer. He was an editor, but left that job to write full-time. Good for him.
Since I got home late Sunday, I have been trying to get through my email. Good grief. I have been offered a penis enlargement, an 8.5 million dollar recovery fee from the Sudanese Prime Minister, aaaannnnddd have been told I applied for a bonus job and got it. Can't remember applying, sure don't need a penis, and about the 8.5...weelllll, I'm not going to touch that with a ten foot poll. Yes, interesting emails indeed.
While I was gone, my grandbaby had an accident. He broke out one of his front baby teeth. He also ran a low grade fever (102) all weekend. I swear. I leave for four days and the world falls apart. Have been having to coddle baby. He is very, very grumpy. Oh well, that's what grammy's are for, to make the world a better place.
Must run. He's up from his nap and needs a little loving.
Next time I'm on, I'll give you an update on the word count of the trucker book. It's slooooowwwwly coming along.
Until then, keep writing~