For some time now I've been trying to decide who I was and why I was put on this earth. I'm not sure if it's only writers and other creative people who struggle with this or if it's just me. I have noticed over the past years that only those individuals who have really suffered in their life make anything of themselves. At times, I think this must be my problem, I've not suffered enough. And then, I look at my life and think maybe I have suffered too much and am just not willing to deal with it.
I have come to terms with a few things in my life. Other things I am trying to deal with. I use the word 'trying' because mostly I 'try' to ignore the situations in hopes that they will go away.
I dream of a perfect life. I know that is not possible. In lieu of that, I have decided to start a 'Suffrage Club'.
If you've ever watched the first and I mean 'original' Star Wars, that would be Episode IV, then you will know immediately of what I speak. C3PO and R2D2 have gotten themselves in to a fix. C3PO turns to R2D2 and says, "it's our lot in life to suffer." That's me.
I don't want or expect you to feel sorry for me, just understand me. On the outside, I have a pretty good life. It's inside where I suffer. Things I wanted to do, things I wished I'd done, things I'd like to do, but afraid I never will. Sometimes it feels like someone has attached a vaccum cleaner hose to me and is sucking the life out of me.
And Lord knows if it's not the family out to get me, it's the government. Currently with gas prices the way they are and various other things going on (you know what I mean), I think the government will probably win. But that's another blog.
For now, I'm off to write in my journal. See if I can make any sense of this day.
Until next time, keep writing.